Psychotherapist Noel McDermott looks at our love relationships as Valentine’s day brings them into focus.
If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s what is important in life and that is our love relationships.
If your relationship has made it through these stressful times, it’s extra important to celebrate Valentines 2022. Your relationship is resilient and has longevity, be confident it can survive what life might throw at it in the future!
Psychotherapist Noel McDermott comments: “For many, Valentines has come to mean romantic love or sexual love driven by the economics of the hospitality industry and gift makers, however it really is about something much broader. It’s about the celebration of love itself and our capacity to love another.
“Choose your love gift wisely, make it specific to the person you are aiming at, the more thoughtful it is, the more effectively it conveys your love for them. Keep it simple and keep it personal. Love and intimacy are not grand gestures – they are often simply small moments of genuine vulnerability.”
Ways to show your love and appreciation this Valentines – and all year round!
- personalise your expressions of love
- small and intimate conveys more that grand gestures
- it’s the effort and thought that goes into it rather than what it is
- regularity of expressions make more of an impact than one-off events
Relationships aren’t just about the big fights and grand gestures – they’re made and broken by the smaller, quieter moments. Tweak your ’emotional climate’ this Valentines and look at the tone of your relationship and how you and your partner are special to each other.
Things to avoid in relationships
- treating love, affection and attachment forming as events rather than daily processes
- attaching strings and conditions to expressions of love and affection
- over sexualising love and affection
- trying to pacify your partner with expressions of love (love bombing) when you should be apologising and changing
Celebrate your partner
Love and accept your partner for who they are. We need to accept the people who we love for who they are, not who we say they should be. Focus on all the things you love about them and celebrate this!
Tips on forming and keeping love relationships
- be realistic about expectations
- look for shared values and interests
- be honest about your needs that should be met outside of the relationship
- look for a partner that values growth and openness
- be direct and clear in communicating wants and needs
Compatibility or similarity is the key to making and forming and sustaining love relationships. The more you share in common with someone, the more likely you are to find them attractive now and over the long term.
It’s important to choose a partner who has shared values, life interests and goals etc.
Love yourself
Self-knowledge is key to a healthy relationship – knowing yourself, what you do and don’t like or want and being able to communicate that is vital in relationships and ensures longevity. Avoid thinking of another person as completing us. As humans who are always growing, we are never completed, and a love partner can’t compensate for deficits we carry. A love partner is that someone who partners us and hopefully compliments us.
Let’s face it, the past couple of years have been tough. Make time to check on yours and your partner’s mental health. Love is not just for Valentine’s Day, remember that it is just as crucial to do the same today as it was yesterday.
Make time to properly check in with your significant other, clear communication is needed to make a relationship work. Keep an eye on yours and your partner’s mental health. Ensure you prioritise mental well-being, look to have healthy routines, shared activities and in particular special activities that you can enjoy together this Valentines and all year round.
Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care, and education. He has created unique, mental health services in the independent sector. Noel’s company offer at-home mental health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised care teams for the individual. They have recently launched a range of online therapy resources to help clients access help without leaving home.
This article is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.
