Weddings are wonderful, fun occasions where everyone is happy and has a great time, right? We say, yes, up to a point.
While they are definitely seen that way by the couple getting married, other members of the party may not feel as enthusiastic for a number of reasons. This article gives you tips on how to handle unwilling bridal party members so everyone can remain friends afterwards and you still get to enjoy your day.
When you are planning your Big Day, it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of it all and forget that not everyone feels the same way you do. And if this is the case for a bridesmaid or a close family member, it’s important that you recognise this and deal with it before it gets stressful for you both.
Remember that they have the right to say ‘no’
Once you or your partner have decided on your list of who you want to be in the bridesmaid crew or ushers, it’s a good idea to ask them in person. Make sure that you ask the question in a way that allows them to say no so they don’t feel pressured into saying yes. While most people would consider it a great honour to be asked to be part of the wedding inner circle, they may not feel that way – and that’s totally ok.
They may have perfectly good reasons why they don’t want to be a bridesmaid or groomsman. They may feel that it’s too big a responsibility that they may feel they can’t commit to. The cost might be a barrier to them. They may have issues from their past which make weddings a no-no for them. Give them the option and be ready to be a grown-up about it if they say no. Tell them you respect their decision and that you hope they’ll attend as a guest.
What to do if they say ‘yes’ and then change their mind
They may have said yes to please you but then realise that it’s all too much. they didn’t realise how much time being part of the ‘inner circle’ would take up. Maybe they don’t feel they can handle the responsibility. Maybe they suddenly realised that it’s just not their ‘thing’. Whatever the reason, you may find yourself in a situation where a friend was willing at the start then changes their mind. It’s important that you think carefully about how to handle unwilling bridal party members – think before you speak!
Stay calm
If you’ve asked them to be involved in a certain organisational task that they haven’t done or they’re less available than you need them to be, it’s a good idea to catch it early and have a conversation. You still have a wedding to organise after all, and this is an added layer of pressure that you don’t need. Sort it early and with grace and it’s more likely that you’ll remain friends. Here’s our tips on managing wedding stress.
However frustrated you feel that they’re behaving like this, it’s important not to go in with all guns blazing. Gently ask if there’s anything wrong.
Try not to accuse them or act like they betrayed you, even if that’s how you feel. People are allowed to change their minds. focus on the bigger picture.
Be straight with them
Ask the question: ‘do you still want to do this, because it’s ok if you changed your mind’. Let them back out and have the grace to accept their decision. There could be a solution where they are still involved but at a lesser intensity, if that’s what they want. And if they don’t, then don’t worry. Don’t blame them and don’t blame yourself. It’ll be better for you both in the long run.
